shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
