his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
