dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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