You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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