Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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