Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
