Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
