My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
