and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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