I'm sorry my penis didn't work
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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