chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
