neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
