He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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