I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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