Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
