I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
