hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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