I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
