Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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