She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
