conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
