just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
