? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
