he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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