Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
