Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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