I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
