Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
