I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
