My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
