So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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