If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
