I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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