I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
