my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
