Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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