u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
