I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
