I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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