Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
