Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
