Define "chronic" masturbator.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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