Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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