Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
