first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
