Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
