He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just threw up on my dentist
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
