Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
