woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
