I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
