OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
