guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
