Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
